You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
