Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
