I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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