Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
