were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could make wine with my vomit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
