Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
