He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
