three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
