your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
