dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
