1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
