Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My balls are so social today.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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