If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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