a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
