More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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