Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
