mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
