forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize
