Acid is not a monday night drug
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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