Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Drake has all the answers
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
