i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
