mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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