It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
