Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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