I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
