Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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