found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
