I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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