I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont even know how to be here
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
