You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
