She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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