I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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