Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
