i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
