I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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