there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
