Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your penis caused this!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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