Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
