woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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