I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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