we have officially lost it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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