I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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