Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
