I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
