Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
smell my finger.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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