My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
