Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
