I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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