I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
