At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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