I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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