Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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