so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
