Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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