The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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