Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
